Today is the day we celebrate Jesus being risen from the dead. Praise God for our Great resurrector! At church this morning, Nicol Sponberg was a guest singer. She shared her story about a recent baby death. Last Easter she could not sing becuase she was pregnant with her second child. She had a normal birth, and her baby, Luke, was healthy. At 11 weeks old, she put him down to sleep and checked on him an hour and a half later. He was already gone. By this time I was already weeping from her story. But she had the strength to be up there and performing and singing a song about how God can take all the broken pieces of our life and create something beautiful.
I had three miscarriages in the past year. Two were very early, and I had one at 10 weeks of pregnancy. We had already told my daughter and she was very involved tracking the pregnancy every day. We took her out of school for the first ultrasound, and the technician couldn't find a heartbeat. It made no sense because the baby's measurements all measured to be exactly the right age - to the day! We prayed for a miracle! Jesus had brought the little girl back to life. He had raised Lazarus from the dead. He could make that baby's heart start beating! But He didn't. 5 days later I miscarried. This week would have been my 37th week of pregnancy with that baby.
I should have been at Easter service very fat and very uncomfortable! But God is reaffirming in me that he has a plan for me to prosper and a plan to deliver the desires of my heart. What He expects from me is my devotion, and time with Him. God wants our time. He is more than the God of good parking spaces. He is a jealous God and he doesn't need us to only come to Him with petty requests. He wants to weep with me, laugh with me, stand with me when I'm strong and carry me when I'm weak.
I was working so hard at having a baby and a few weeks ago I was reading about Abraham. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac. So many things...Abraham and Sarah were OLD! His seed was to be passed down through Issac! Issac's decendents were to outnumber the stars in the sky! But Abraham was asked to sacrifice him and he obeyed. God did not require him to actually go through with it, but God was able to see Abraham's heart. The angel came and stopped him. God asked the same of me a few weeks ago. He asked me to sacrifice my child. Not my physical child, but the child I was so desprate to have. He made it clear to me that I may or may not have a role in the "creation" of our next child! He has placed a few alternatives in our path - adoption and surrogacy. He wanted to prompt me to pray over these things and help me to recognize how my pride may be getting in the way of His blessings! Ouch! He clearly spoke to me, "I may be creating your child right now, and you don't have anything to do with it." Clomid, temperatures, cervical fluid tracking, ovulation predictor kits and all the rest will not in themselves make a baby. Ultimately it's God that makes the life.
Easter is the holdiay where we can rejoice that we have a Savior, a Great Resurrector and a Lover of our souls! He loves us more than we love our children. More than our earthly parents love us! When the Marys arrived at the tomb on the original Easter, the Angel said, "Do not be afraid!" Becuase Jesus is alive and headed to Galillee just like he had promised! So don't be afraid of anything! God wants to delight us! We are His children. Have hope in Him today that he can heal you, and that he wants to bless you! Everyone's journey is different and He has different blessings for everyone. Be encouraged and set aside time for Him to tell you what he has in store for you!